Adios

Well yes, it is 1 A.M. and I am never at the computer at this hour but have been doing some soul searching and I have decided that my blogging days need to cease.  I am on to a pursuit of holiness (sounds a bit more glorified than it should be considering we're talking about me and I know me better than you do).  But it is completely sincere and I believe necessary.  If you could be a fly on the wall of my life (so very thankful you are not) you too would echo this.  Who anyway is too holy?  Should we not all always be pursuing holiness?  Not Happiness (have not seen the movie BTW), but holiness.  I received a book as a gift from our church as all mother's there did this past Mother's Day.  I put it in my Sunday School bag and well- I sort of forgot about it for awhile until one day when I was empty and reached into that bag and found a treasure in this book titled, Becoming a woman of freedom by Cynthia Heald (apparently it is a series).  Honestly I really had  no idea how much I needed this little "gift", but it has spoken to me and so now I am speaking to you:)  I have not even finished the book, just barely begun and yet it has impacted my life.  I can't help but think that Pastor Tony AND Chris Fields have both read their wives copy recently because there messages are aligning with it's message-or maybe not but it sure reinforces the idea for me.  The verse encompassing the books message is from Hebrews 12:1 and says "Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us".  That is what I am purposing to do.  I have oh so many, many, many things that hinder me.  Well intentioned things and some not so that take my time and focus away from where they should be.

My family is my life and they are most precious to me, but in order for me to be all that I need to be to them and to everyone else in my life I must pursue something greater- holiness- I must pursue my Savior.  I haven't done this very well-really ever,  I've made meager well meaningful attempts, but not really.  I want so desperately to be everything to my husband and to each of my children-  I do.  That is what I want, that drives me-and I try so hard-and I fail so big. NO ONE is perfect Dean reminds me often and I do know this, but I know what peace is and I know what righteousness looks like and my heart longs for this in my life.  Genuine to the core joy/peace and righteousness/holiness.  I am singing the song in my head now- holiness, holiness is what I need.  Where do I get it?  Well I know it is not like a drive-thru pick- up order type thing.  It takes a more concerted effort and a deep desire.  I'm there.  I know that God must be on the throne of my heart continually- not me, whom I like to set there often, not Dean who has spent much of my adult life setting there and not my children who take turns and sometimes squash each other setting there, but God alone on the throne of my heart.  I love to seek out information about what ever interests me at the time, whatever boggles me, ales me, you name it.  I often daydream of holding a few of my mentors hostage and racking their brains with questions and thoughts about EVERYTHING under the sun.  I believe now God, My Heavenly Father is calling me to pursue Him- He is after all creator of the universe, giver and taker of life, Beginning and the End.  Is there a better place or person to turn to?  So I'm off.  I am certain-because I know me better than anyone does-that I will struggle, I will stumble, I am after all a sinner.  But-I want to shine for Jesus, I want to be a light to the darkened world, I want to be a peacemaker and a blessing to others.  To God be the glory.